my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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