fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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