he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
