What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
