if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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