You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
