Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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