when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
