idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize