Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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