Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
