omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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