turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
