It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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