just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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