a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My feet surprised me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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