I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
