I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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