If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
