Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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