Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
