dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
