Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
