That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize