It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
