There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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