Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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