I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
