I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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