This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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