my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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