i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
