We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
