is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
