You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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