Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
