fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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