yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
