im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
