South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
