at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
