I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
