I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
