i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
