Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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