i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
