I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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