i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
