i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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