It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
