the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
