Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
