wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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