Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
