so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
