I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
