How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
