I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
