My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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