it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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