you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
