Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Terrible idea I love it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
