My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize