So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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