there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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