He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
