I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
