The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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