If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
