Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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