New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
