I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
