i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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